First, let me put your mind at ease and tell you that Wendy is settling in to Kansas and I am adjusting to life here without them around. While I miss seeing them everyday, and Megan still tells me she wants to go to Wendy's house, it is becoming less common.
The topic for today is old friends. Appropriate, given that I got a phone call from the older sister of an old friend today, who was looking for her old friend's phone number, who happened to be my oldest sister. So that was fun. Then I got an email from said sister's high school boyfriend stating that an old friend of my other sister was looking for contact info for that sister. So I sent that info on as well. More fun!
One of my favorite email companions is my ex from high school. While we have both moved on to different lives, I really look forward to his semi-regular emails. When we met, years ago, he always seemed to know what I needed. That hasn't changed, and his emails always manage to make me smile, give me a place to vent, or remind me why I'm working towards something to start with. Though we haven't seen each other in almost 16 years, and there was very little contact for the first 15 of those years, the last half year that we've been writing has been very cathartic. I'm trying to talk him into bringing his girlfriend down to spend the weekend in Grand Forks, touring UND grad departments in hopes that they'll choose this as their grad school.
And finally, my old friend - who is also my cousin - is on my mind and in my heart a lot these days. Her mom died a few months ago, and Erika has taken it hard. Understandably so, as they were very close. I think Erika often felt like her mom was the only constant in her life, and that losing her meant losing place in the world. I'm not going to begin to go into all the challenges Erika and her mom have faced over the years, suffice it to say that the simple fact that Erika is a loving wife and mother, a talented teacher, and a great friend speaks volumes to her strength - both strength of character and spiritual strength. What would have crushed a lesser person has made Erika more beautiful. And while she is having problems seeing that right now, I know that Linda is with her in spirit, reminding her that it is ok to enjoy life, to laugh, to love, and to carry on. I know Linda would have wanted Erika to go on living and embracing all it offers. But I also know that she isn't quite ready to make that step yet. So I am asking everyone to send your prayers, thoughts, karma, or whatever spiritual things you do, to Erika. Give her your healing vibes, help her know that moving on doesn't mean forgetting, and that her mom is still with her - in herself and in her 2 beautiful children. Maybe if enough of us send her good thoughts, she can start to heal. It doesn't matter if you know her or not, send it anyway. Everything helps!
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Being a doctor's wife
Wendy and I often discussed if, given the opportunity, we'd go back in time and encourage medical school and the following residency again. While I refuse to committ our answers to print, I will say that it made for many interesting conversations over time. One thing I think we both can agree on is that being a doctor's wife isn't all its cracked up to be.
In addition to the obvious issues of the cost - in terms of money, time, and emotions - that are associated with getting the degree and training necessary, there is the LOOK others give you when you admit what your husband does for a living. It's a look that speaks volumes, ranging anywhere from assumptions that you "couldn't possibly have a brain in your head and need a man to support you" across the spectrum to "aren't you the conniving woman who managed to snag a provider?" And with the LOOK come the inevitable questions about your supposed life of luxury and how they (whoever is giving you the LOOK) would love to be in your shoes.
Really? Lady, there are many days when I'd gladly hand them over. The luxury? I live in a cramped, 900 square foot apartment with one tiny bathroom for 4 people. We drive an 11 year old Neon and an 9 year old minivan. I despise getting the mail because I know there will be another bill arriving, and just possibly another student loan statement reminding me how much we paid for Andy to become a doctor. And the best part? There's no end in sight, and unless someone has actually been through the same situation, there is very little understanding about what it actually feels like to live through this. Maybe that's why Wendy and I got along so well- 2 teachers who managed to fall in love with men who thought it'd be good to be a doctor, and we loved them enough to say "Sure, sounds great!" Who knew?
All that being said, I must say that I hold out hope that in the end even days like today will be a pleasant memory. And in the meantime, I will remember to respond to all inquiries regarding Andy's employment by stating "He works at Altru" and leave it at that. There is no need to specify.
In addition to the obvious issues of the cost - in terms of money, time, and emotions - that are associated with getting the degree and training necessary, there is the LOOK others give you when you admit what your husband does for a living. It's a look that speaks volumes, ranging anywhere from assumptions that you "couldn't possibly have a brain in your head and need a man to support you" across the spectrum to "aren't you the conniving woman who managed to snag a provider?" And with the LOOK come the inevitable questions about your supposed life of luxury and how they (whoever is giving you the LOOK) would love to be in your shoes.
Really? Lady, there are many days when I'd gladly hand them over. The luxury? I live in a cramped, 900 square foot apartment with one tiny bathroom for 4 people. We drive an 11 year old Neon and an 9 year old minivan. I despise getting the mail because I know there will be another bill arriving, and just possibly another student loan statement reminding me how much we paid for Andy to become a doctor. And the best part? There's no end in sight, and unless someone has actually been through the same situation, there is very little understanding about what it actually feels like to live through this. Maybe that's why Wendy and I got along so well- 2 teachers who managed to fall in love with men who thought it'd be good to be a doctor, and we loved them enough to say "Sure, sounds great!" Who knew?
All that being said, I must say that I hold out hope that in the end even days like today will be a pleasant memory. And in the meantime, I will remember to respond to all inquiries regarding Andy's employment by stating "He works at Altru" and leave it at that. There is no need to specify.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
The Hazards of Making Friends in Residency
Andy has always told me that I need to meet more people and socialize more. Personally, I'm pretty happy with having a small social circle. However, every once in a while I make the effort to expand the circle. Last summer, Grand Forks got a new OB fellow, and Andy forced me to talk to him and his wife, Wendy. As it turns out, Wendy and I became friends and she made the first year of residency much easier. She had already been through it and was able to lend some much needed perspective and advice. I, on the other hand, told her about the Sioux Kids Club, North Dakota winters, and Happy Harry's. It was a good relationship. To add even more benefits, we vented about our living arrangements to each other, our kids played together, and we spent more than our fair share of time avoiding all the things we needed to get done by chatting with each other.
The end of July also meant the end of Eric's year as a fellow. Today Eric, Wendy, and their boys moved to Kansas for Eric to start practice. It has been a sad day. Meg sat down on the ground and declared that she didn't want them to go. Joseph cried, and that set the rest of us off. But in the end, they had to get in the car and start the long drive. It has been an odd day without them around. Nico has looked for them more than once, and Meg was sitting on the step at their house looking a little lost. I bought a new comforter set as inspiration to clean my bedroom...just to give me something to do.
While I realize that Kansas isn't the end of the earth, it is far enough away that walking over to chat for a few minutes is no longer going to happen. I guess that's why they have Skype!
I told Andy a bit ago that this is precisely why I don't like to meet new people. There are some that you are sorry you met, and some that you really enjoy, and some that you really treasure. It stinks when they have to move.
The end of July also meant the end of Eric's year as a fellow. Today Eric, Wendy, and their boys moved to Kansas for Eric to start practice. It has been a sad day. Meg sat down on the ground and declared that she didn't want them to go. Joseph cried, and that set the rest of us off. But in the end, they had to get in the car and start the long drive. It has been an odd day without them around. Nico has looked for them more than once, and Meg was sitting on the step at their house looking a little lost. I bought a new comforter set as inspiration to clean my bedroom...just to give me something to do.
While I realize that Kansas isn't the end of the earth, it is far enough away that walking over to chat for a few minutes is no longer going to happen. I guess that's why they have Skype!
I told Andy a bit ago that this is precisely why I don't like to meet new people. There are some that you are sorry you met, and some that you really enjoy, and some that you really treasure. It stinks when they have to move.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Things I Don't Want My Children to Learn
In light of recent events, I've put together a list of things I don't want my children to learn. Mostly, this is a therapeutic venting exercise, but perhaps by putting them in writing I will remember to guard against the installation of these types of values in my kids.
1. It is necessary to subjugate yourself to the masses - even if you know in your heart that the masses are not motivated by the greater good, but rather a selfish urge to improve their own position.
2. In dealing with others, it is necessary to bury all conflict. After all, it is better for the boat to go down in a fiery inferno one day than rock it a bit once in a while.
3. Social position and other people's opinions are more important than what you feel about yourself.
4. It is more important to advance your own position than it is to reach out to help someone else.
5. It isn't acceptable to reach beyond the low expectations that have been imposed upon you by others. Aim to be only average. Believe that you aren't good enough to do it.
1. It is necessary to subjugate yourself to the masses - even if you know in your heart that the masses are not motivated by the greater good, but rather a selfish urge to improve their own position.
2. In dealing with others, it is necessary to bury all conflict. After all, it is better for the boat to go down in a fiery inferno one day than rock it a bit once in a while.
3. Social position and other people's opinions are more important than what you feel about yourself.
4. It is more important to advance your own position than it is to reach out to help someone else.
5. It isn't acceptable to reach beyond the low expectations that have been imposed upon you by others. Aim to be only average. Believe that you aren't good enough to do it.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
June Blew By!
June brought a number of wonderful events to our household! First - and very important - Andy's brother Joey married Amanda in Key West! Not only are we thrilled with the new addition to the family, but Andy and I were thrilled to have a week to spend together in a place we'd never been. My mom stayed with the kids and Andy and I got to spend the week relaxing and enjoying each other. The food was amazing, the night life was wonderful, and the heat was unbelievable. When we arrived back in Grand Forks I wasn't sure if I should be grateful that it was a cool 65 degrees or depressed that it was 65 degrees. Regardless, it was a wonderful trip. What made it even more wonderful was the news we got as our plane was landing in Miami - Andy passed his Step 3 exams, and has now filed to get his permanent license. He should have that in the next few weeks.
June was also busy for Andy with teaching service call. As always, its a rough rotation. As of July 1 he is officially a second year resident and is now on OB call. While he likes delivering babies, he isn't liking this particular schedule. He has 3 days off this month - that is it! - and is also scheduled for jury duty starting tomorrow. With call shifts every other day and full clinic shifts the others, I'm not sure how that is going to work out.
Megan started summer camp in June, and goes 2 hours every week day. She's enjoying it and likes to make new friends. Nico loved his summer gym class, and has started baseball as well. The kids and I took a trip to Sioux Falls a week ago and had a great time down there. I learned to knit slippers, and I do believe our house is going to be well outfitted with slippers by the time winter rolls around.
In other news, June didn't bring all good tidings. My friend Rob lost his 5 year old daughter in June, because someone didn't unload and lock a handgun in the home. As much as my heart breaks for Rob and his family, the anger I have towards the irresponsibilty shown by the gun owner seems to grow daily. Please people - if you own a gun please lock it up properly every tiime.
June was also busy for Andy with teaching service call. As always, its a rough rotation. As of July 1 he is officially a second year resident and is now on OB call. While he likes delivering babies, he isn't liking this particular schedule. He has 3 days off this month - that is it! - and is also scheduled for jury duty starting tomorrow. With call shifts every other day and full clinic shifts the others, I'm not sure how that is going to work out.
Megan started summer camp in June, and goes 2 hours every week day. She's enjoying it and likes to make new friends. Nico loved his summer gym class, and has started baseball as well. The kids and I took a trip to Sioux Falls a week ago and had a great time down there. I learned to knit slippers, and I do believe our house is going to be well outfitted with slippers by the time winter rolls around.
In other news, June didn't bring all good tidings. My friend Rob lost his 5 year old daughter in June, because someone didn't unload and lock a handgun in the home. As much as my heart breaks for Rob and his family, the anger I have towards the irresponsibilty shown by the gun owner seems to grow daily. Please people - if you own a gun please lock it up properly every tiime.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
The End of an Era...or a Semester
Today I filed my grades for this semester. I am proud of my students and they have - for the most part - worked hard to make it. On the other hand, I am fairly certain I blew my grade for my Archaeology lab after taking my final exam with a pounding headache. It is very difficult to identify bones when your head is throbbing and the lights are blinding you. I suppose I can handle a B in grad school though. It certainly isn't the end of the world.
After a nice 2 months - and we did enjoy them! - Andy is back on call. He does pediatrics this month, then a month of teaching service and then a month of OB. By August I think he is in another non-call month and we are all waiting for that already. He took his Step 3 exams to get his full license yesterday and today, and now we are waiting for results. I think he's a bit nervous but we all know he did just fine. Once his results come back he will apply for his license and then will be able to start moonlighting. While it means he will be gone more, it also means a nice paycheck after every weekend!
Megan's dance recital is this weekend. I am a bit fed up with the hidden costs of dance, but I know that she is having a blast so it is hard to stay upset for any length of time. Auntie Mona and Uncle Danny are coming up from Sioux Falls with their family to watch the show, and Megan is really looking forward to it. Even more exciting is her "Spa Day" before the show, when she gets to have her hair done at the salon and they are going to put GLITTER ON HER CHEEKS AND EYES!!! The emphasis is hers, not mine. She is a very excited little girl.
Nico's counting down the days until school lets out and he is officially a third grader. I think he feels that second grade has been good, but he's seen all of its tricks and it is time to move on to bigger and better things. We also need to decide if he is going to be swimming competitively this summer. His swim coach seems to think he will do very well in his age group. I must admit that he is a better swimmer than hockey player, and I'd much rather spend the afternoon at the pool than freezing at an ice rink. We'll have to see how this plays out.
My friend, Chester, leaves for Cyprus on an archaeological dig on Tuesday. I have gotten used to having him around all the time and I think I am actually going to miss him while he is gone. I am equally concerned that he is going to be upset with me when he comes back, as I suggested that he go even though I know that it isn't really his kind of thing. We shall see how this turns out!
After a nice 2 months - and we did enjoy them! - Andy is back on call. He does pediatrics this month, then a month of teaching service and then a month of OB. By August I think he is in another non-call month and we are all waiting for that already. He took his Step 3 exams to get his full license yesterday and today, and now we are waiting for results. I think he's a bit nervous but we all know he did just fine. Once his results come back he will apply for his license and then will be able to start moonlighting. While it means he will be gone more, it also means a nice paycheck after every weekend!
Megan's dance recital is this weekend. I am a bit fed up with the hidden costs of dance, but I know that she is having a blast so it is hard to stay upset for any length of time. Auntie Mona and Uncle Danny are coming up from Sioux Falls with their family to watch the show, and Megan is really looking forward to it. Even more exciting is her "Spa Day" before the show, when she gets to have her hair done at the salon and they are going to put GLITTER ON HER CHEEKS AND EYES!!! The emphasis is hers, not mine. She is a very excited little girl.
Nico's counting down the days until school lets out and he is officially a third grader. I think he feels that second grade has been good, but he's seen all of its tricks and it is time to move on to bigger and better things. We also need to decide if he is going to be swimming competitively this summer. His swim coach seems to think he will do very well in his age group. I must admit that he is a better swimmer than hockey player, and I'd much rather spend the afternoon at the pool than freezing at an ice rink. We'll have to see how this plays out.
My friend, Chester, leaves for Cyprus on an archaeological dig on Tuesday. I have gotten used to having him around all the time and I think I am actually going to miss him while he is gone. I am equally concerned that he is going to be upset with me when he comes back, as I suggested that he go even though I know that it isn't really his kind of thing. We shall see how this turns out!
Monday, March 1, 2010
A Non-Call Month
After 7 months of working unbelievably long weeks and most weekends, Andy started his cardiac rotation today. It is a non-call month, which means that he leaves in the morning at 7:30 and gets home every night about 5:30. This is good. What is better is that he will be home every weekend for the next two months. I think a celebration is in order!
We had a busy, somewhat stressful weekend. After a trip to Wisconsin was cancelled due to a nasty stomach bug at Cathy's house, we spent the weekend playing host to my nephew, Kaden. He came up with a friend to play in a hockey tournament, and Andy went down to become his official hockey servant. After 3 days of running him to games, checking out sporting goods stores, and eating at their favorite restaurants, the boys declared themselves tired on Sunday. Kaden's dad and sister came up for the games on Saturday and Sunday, so Andy got some assistance, but it was still a busy weekend!
On my end, I received a phone call from an old friend on Thursday, stating that she was going to be having her baby on Friday at noon. Her blood pressure was out of control, and there were other issues affecting the baby, so the doctors decided to do a C-section, even though she was only at 34 weeks. After a night filled with worry and prayers, Chris delivered a 3 lb. baby girl on Friday. Baby was on a respirator over night, but was breathing well by Saturday. Mom and baby (and even dad!) are doing well, and Chris is going home today. They are holding baby a while longer, as she has developed a bit of pneumonia. As I understand it, this is fairly common with C-sections and premies, as the fluid wasn't forced out of the lungs as would happen in a vaginal delivery. I am optimistic that Dan and Chris will have their little girl home with them very soon!
As we get closer to spring break on campus, I find myself staring at my thesis work. In my paltry attempts to work on it in my spare time, I have built this project into a veritable mountain. My goal was to have a first chapter completed by spring break, and unless I spend several quality hours each day working, it is not going to happen. Clearly I need to regroup and refocus, breaking it down into smaller pieces. Perhaps then I can conquer this mountain. Or conquer the demon, as I have begun to view it.
A few weeks ago I started swimming at the YMCA 5 days a week. The daily exercise resulted in a more relaxed, more energetic being, and I have found that I really enjoy it. This was a surprise, as I have always done my best to avoid exercise of any kind. However, due to an infection, I have been out of the water for 6 days and I am starting to notice the tension creeping back into my shoulders and the energy draining from my body. I think it's time to ask the doctor if I can go back to the pool.
We had a busy, somewhat stressful weekend. After a trip to Wisconsin was cancelled due to a nasty stomach bug at Cathy's house, we spent the weekend playing host to my nephew, Kaden. He came up with a friend to play in a hockey tournament, and Andy went down to become his official hockey servant. After 3 days of running him to games, checking out sporting goods stores, and eating at their favorite restaurants, the boys declared themselves tired on Sunday. Kaden's dad and sister came up for the games on Saturday and Sunday, so Andy got some assistance, but it was still a busy weekend!
On my end, I received a phone call from an old friend on Thursday, stating that she was going to be having her baby on Friday at noon. Her blood pressure was out of control, and there were other issues affecting the baby, so the doctors decided to do a C-section, even though she was only at 34 weeks. After a night filled with worry and prayers, Chris delivered a 3 lb. baby girl on Friday. Baby was on a respirator over night, but was breathing well by Saturday. Mom and baby (and even dad!) are doing well, and Chris is going home today. They are holding baby a while longer, as she has developed a bit of pneumonia. As I understand it, this is fairly common with C-sections and premies, as the fluid wasn't forced out of the lungs as would happen in a vaginal delivery. I am optimistic that Dan and Chris will have their little girl home with them very soon!
As we get closer to spring break on campus, I find myself staring at my thesis work. In my paltry attempts to work on it in my spare time, I have built this project into a veritable mountain. My goal was to have a first chapter completed by spring break, and unless I spend several quality hours each day working, it is not going to happen. Clearly I need to regroup and refocus, breaking it down into smaller pieces. Perhaps then I can conquer this mountain. Or conquer the demon, as I have begun to view it.
A few weeks ago I started swimming at the YMCA 5 days a week. The daily exercise resulted in a more relaxed, more energetic being, and I have found that I really enjoy it. This was a surprise, as I have always done my best to avoid exercise of any kind. However, due to an infection, I have been out of the water for 6 days and I am starting to notice the tension creeping back into my shoulders and the energy draining from my body. I think it's time to ask the doctor if I can go back to the pool.
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